Celebrating milestones on the autism spectrum

Where do I even start?

A few weeks ago schools closed for the year in Zimbabwe and as we were counting the days towards this closing and going through the meetings and conversations to review our son’s progress I couldn’t help but get all emotional. Looking at the journey we have travelled this year with him really needed me to stop, reflect and suck it all in.

Well, this is me stopping, reflecting and sucking it all in. This is also me taking time to celebrate and express my gratitude to God and everyone who continues to support us on this journey. You see, milestones on the spectrum hit different. If you’re wondering how, keep reading.

A new beginning: Finding the right school

Our son started this year at a new school. This was now his 3rd school in under 2 years. We were transitioning from a setup where he was in a mainstream school and we would take him for his speech and occupational therapies outside of that school’s curriculum, to a setup where everything was now under one roof in a special needs school.

To say this new arrangement was a relief (at least for me) is an understatement. I did not like driving to Speech and OT and having to wait for him to finish both sessions which happened at different locations. It was exhausting and took its toll on me even though we got to share this responsibility as his parents.

I also struggled to see the progress he was making because he was only going for these sessions twice a week. Each session was about 30 minutes. With all the effort we were putting in, I honestly wished to see more progress. I think nobody watches the milestones of a child like the parent of one with special needs.

We started out the year at the new school with an assessment of where he was developmentally as he was settling in. Following this, we got his IEP (Individualised Education Plan). An IEP is a plan that lays out the special education instruction, support, and services a student (typically with an educational disability) needs to thrive in school. In simple terms, the IEP is like a vision that the school will be working towards for your child. It’s also a good guide to remind us of what we as parents need to be focusing on as pertains his development.

Challenges as a result of change

Let me start by saying, embarking on this journey was not easy. We had to make a lot of commitments as parents. We had to be intentional about everything and it was not a walk in the park. Personally, my parenting journey has got to be one of the hardest responsibilities I have ever held in my life.

For the first months of the year, I was somewhat all over the place as I didn’t have any after-school help. But I soon realised that we weren’t going to get far. Earlier this year, I actually shared about my journey on the transition from trying to navigate child care without any help to embracing getting as much support as I possibly could. And I must say, that was the beginning of slowly starting to see some change. Let me share with you some moments that blew my mind away (in a good way, of course) this year.

Surprise Reading Breakthroughs

A while ago, I got our son an LED tablet for him to scribble on. Well, he wasn’t interested in scribbling anything on it so one day I decided to take it and wrote his name. To my surprise, he was able to read it. I then wrote the words, “Mommy”, “Daddy” then his name. Once again, he was able to read all three words.

I screamed! Like this boy could read this whole time?

Anyway, wanting to push him a bit further, I thought let me write some other words. I wrote names of colours, animals, fruits and he managed to read most of them. We were at over 50 words at some point. I was so excited. Actually, this was probably one of the moments that brought me so much joy this year. I still remember how overjoyed I was and revisit the videos from time to time.

Having a child who is non-verbal can be saddening. Oftentimes I see people in public places talking to their children and I just hope they know how incredibly blessed they are to be able to talk to their little ones. Those conversations are so precious. That’s why I was overjoyed because it ignited hope in me – that soon we would graduate from reading to actual conversations. This definitely was a moment worth celebrating for us.

Small Wins with the Fork

When the year started, our son could only feed himself using his hands. Using a spoon or fork presented a lot of difficulty and mess. But he needed to learn and at school they were already being intentional about making sure he eats on his own. So we started using hand-over-hand to teach him and help his coordination and I am so glad that today, he can eat his pasta with his little fork.

We still need to minimise the mess with the meals that need him to eat with a spoon but I am so grateful we have made so much progress from where we were beginning of the year. I love that he is also keen to learn and I see him put in the effort. I am so proud of him and believe that things will only get better from here.

The Potty Training Journey

Moving along, another big item on our goal list for the year was potty training. Last year, at my son’s previous school, they tried to get him started on potty training. It was a disaster and we quickly just defaulted back to diapers. This was before his ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis. To be honest, I never even tried at home even though I bought the potty and was keen to start. I was too scared because deep down, I knew that it was going to be a huge hill to climb.

You see, if you go on YouTube you will find loads of videos under the themes “Potty train in a weekend” or “Potty train in 3 days” and there are plenty of people in the comments testifying how they achieved these goals with their kids. It was so disheartening that my son was not even keen to just sit on his potty. He would cry so much and throw a fit.

But after joining the Autism community, my worries were somewhat “validated”. Potty training children on the spectrum can be so difficult due to several reasons which include sensory sensitivities, sensory processing and communication barriers.

But we had to start. The initial problem was the type of undie I had picked for him. He would not wear it. He would cry so much and just run away. Then my helper suggested I try a different kind of undie and, what do you know? He agreed to wear it! In fact he actually would go check himself out on the mirror the early days of starting to wear that kind.

Now to the potty training itself, the beginning was such a challenge. We had to take him every 20-30 minutes. However, we had lots of accidents. And it’s not the “Oops mummy see what I did” kind of accidents. It was as if he was not even aware of what he would have done and would just continue with his life whilst we frantically rushed behind him to clean up the trail of Number 1 and sometimes, Number 2.

Did I mention how hard it was to initially get him to sit on the potty after going over the undie hurdle? It was such a fight and I actually don’t even remember how he eventually started to do it willingly.

I almost gave up but the school and my helper encouraged me every single day. They still encourage me to this day and I can tell you, our son is not where he was some six months ago. Yes, we still go to the potty every 20-30 minutes but we have fewer accidents. In fact, lately, every now and again, he actually tells his nanny, “Potty” when he feels like going. This development is as recent as last week! And yes, very much worth celebrating.

Watching our son grow in this area is such a gift and am looking forward to the day he actually stands up on his own to use his potty without prompting and assistance.

Rediscovering Eye Contact

Next thing on my list is eye contact. Do you know that eye contact is a very important stage of a baby’s milestones? Lack of eye contact is one of the markers used to identify possible signs of autism in a child. Eye contact is part of communication and typically babies are supposed to reach this at the 3-month mark. It is recommended to get an immediate consultation if an infant cannot make contact in the first 6 months.

I know my experience with my son is not unique. When he was a baby, he had eye contact. It blows my mind each time I revisit his baby photos and videos – as if he lost his ability to make eye contact overnight. Speech therapy worked on this area extensively, but the progress took time!

Today though, our son now has eye contact and having him try to fit my big face in his cute little hands whilst he looks into my eyes with his bright beautiful brown eyes and giggles, is one of the sweetest moments I get to share with him nearly everyday.

It’s such a huge milestone for us because we remember the days when we did not have this and it actually used to make us quite sad. Even though my son cannot verbally tell me exactly what he wants, I appreciate that he can still pull my hand to direct me to it whilst actually looking at me.

Following (some) instructions

This has been a difficult one – not going to lie. But we didn’t go without progress. There are few instructions that I am happy our son now responds to now and I always remind him how proud I am of him for following them. He will get his table on his own when it’s time to eat and is asked to do so. Sometimes you don’t even need to ask. If he sees food being prepared for him, he will take his own table.

Him being able to take down and pull up his underpants was a point of huge celebration for us.

Another instruction he’s learnt to follow is bringing his shoes when he wants to go outside. Seeing him respond with such independence fills me with so much pride. These might seem like small achievements to others – especially at this age, but for us, they represent the building blocks of greater milestones ahead. It’s incredible to witness his progress, no matter how gradual it may be.

Connecting through pretend play

Next, our little one is trying to make friends. Let me share some context for better understanding. Most neurodiverse individuals struggle with social connections, not only because they cannot communicate verbally but because they need moderate to substantial behavioural support. They also struggle with pretend play – something I thought every kid had a knack for!

This is one of the areas Speech and Occupational Therapy works to address and our son has been in therapy since over a year ago. It has been a journey and I have really seen him trying to interact and be nurturing with his stuffed animals AKA his friends.

Sometimes he talks to them and will be telling them, “Don’t cry baby” – something I discovered he picked up from school during his therapies. Every night he tucks the dozens of his stuffed babies into our bed and in the morning after he finishes having his porridge, he takes them all out of our room into his little tent to play. This has become part of his routine.

I absolutely love seeing him doing this because I remember a time when the most play he had was flipping through pages of books over and over again. My desire is to see him play and care for other real & human children in the same way. Unfortunately we still have some miles to go with that and it can get awkward pretty fast when we are in settings with other neurotypical children. In the meantime, I choose to celebrate these little interactions in his tent with his stuffies.

Learning to acknowledge others

Another area my son struggles with even now is acknowledging other people. By this I mean greetings, like “Hello” or Good morning” or “Bye” – a milestone most children his age usually would have mastered. Unfortunately to people who don’t know about his developmental challenges, he would come across as rude or as if he was just ignoring them. It’s especially difficult at family gatherings.

But this year, my son has developed in this area. He will actually stretch out his hand to greet or give a Hi 5 when prompted now. Those who know how he was in this area a year ago have noticed and appreciate this improvement in this social acclimation.

Worship music as a source of calm

I saved the best for last. A few months ago I heard my son singing, “Yes Jesus loves me” and it brought me so much joy. I decided to start playing the song for him from Spotify and YouTube and realised that he would calm down so much and start enjoying the moment. I created a playlist of kids worship songs for him and he absolutely loves it.

There are days he will even sing to some of the songs. I know if I want him to calm down from his hyper episodes, all I need to do is have him listening to his playlist. Most times, he just calms down. This is something I thank God for because I believe He is ministering to my son through music.

Reflecting on a year of growth

As I reflect on all of these milestones – reading, feeding, potty training, following instructions, eye contact, and small social interactions – I’m humbled and filled with gratitude. Each win, big or small, is such a huge deal in our household and worth celebrating.

Our journey is not over, but I am so grateful for the progress our son has made this year. Once again, many thanks to my incredible support system for making it possible.