“Life rewards you for the portion you fight for”

This quote was shared by a dear friend of mine a few years ago. It was something her sister, who was our age mate, had said to her before she passed on. It spoke to me and touched me deeply. I reached out to my friend and asked if I could create a graphic to share the quote and credit her sister. She agreed, and it has remained on my IG timeline ever since.

I often think about this: Life rewards you for the portion you fight for. It forces me to examine my life – what I’m prioritising and the outcomes I’m achieving. We often complain about different aspects of our lives not working out – work, parenting, marriage, friendships, businesses. But what are we really pouring into those areas?

A few stories for you around this…

After giving birth to my son, I wanted to lose weight. But that was all there was to it: I was simply WANTING IT. Was I exercising? No. Did I adjust my diet? No. Doughnuts and fried chicken were “life”. Yet, I felt sad about being three sizes up from my usual. I wasn’t doing anything to achieve the outcome I desired.

Over the past year or two though, I’ve finally managed to shed a few kilos. I try to walk more, and I hope to be running again soon (yes, I used to run 5K “easily”!). My portions have gotten smaller and I try to avoid junk food, though that latter part has been a real fight for my life. I love love love potato crisps!

I’ve talked to several friends and acquaintances who are interested in working remotely. When I ask what they’re doing every day to get closer to their first, second, or third client? Crickets. “Build it and they will come”, right? Wrong! Like any business, you have to work every single day to get the attention of your intended clients. If there’s a probability that out of every 100 people you sell yourself to, one will buy, then for the 100 items or service slots you have, you should aim to sell them to at least…10,000! If you only manage to sell to 100, it would be overly ambitious to expect your items to sell out – almost unrealistic.

I’ve shared about my son being diagnosed with autism. He is classified as non-verbal, which means he cannot communicate using spoken language. However, as we learn to navigate the challenges of his condition we have found other ways to encourage communication, even without words. Hours upon hours of speech and occupational therapy have also helped him improve things like eye contact and following instructions – both of which are a huge part of communication.

Just yesterday, he wanted to go outside with me and came running to the door. I told him, “Go get your shoes,” and he quickly ran to the room to get them. It’s little things like this that remind me how far we’ve come on this journey. Yet, on some days, I do feel like we’re not making any progress.

Why, you might ask? Well, individuals on the spectrum thrive on routine, and when they fall off that routine, it’s incredibly hard to get them back on track. These routines encompass their basic life activities like eating, going to school, bathing, brushing teeth, potty training, tidying up, and even sleeping! My son doesn’t even like us changing the direction we take when going to or coming from school. And it’s not like he will say, “Oh mummy, I don’t want to take this route.” He will throw a tantrum loud enough for bystanders to think I’m trying to kidnap him because he can’t use his words.

So as I think about where my son is now and where I hope he’ll be in the near future, I realise that I can’t take his routines lightly. I can’t afford regression in the important and basic things. I need to be increasingly intentional about his life. As much as I believe God is ultimately in control, I know I must do what I can while I still can. The rest I surrender to God, because He is my son’s Maker, knows what he needs and gives it to him on time. His will takes precedence over mine.

It’s my birthday this month, and I’ve been thinking: if I could be granted one wish, even for just a day, it would be to have a conversation with my son. I’d love to know what he’s thinking, how he’s feeling, what he thinks of me, whether he likes my cooking. I just want to know. When he came into this world just over four years ago, I never imagined that I would be wishing for these things at this point in his life.

I recently looked at old videos of him before he turned one; how he could say “thank you” and clap his hands upon instruction. But that all went away. That’s autistic regression for you – a loss of previously acquired skills or a backtracking of developmental milestones.

A few months ago, my son was reading more than 50 random words – mostly animals – but today, he doesn’t. I’m honestly not sure whether he can’t anymore or just doesn’t want. Sometimes it feels like someone switched my child and gave me another or pressed RESET on his brain, but that’s regression. For basic life skills regression can set you back weeks or even months!

Routines are crucial in ensuring he masters the skills so that he can eventually do them independently. This year, my son finally started feeding himself. Although it’s still incredibly messy on most days, I’m glad he doesn’t just sit there expecting someone else to feed him all the time. Of course, there are days when he doesn’t want to lift a finger, but there’s definitely progress in the right direction. Thank God!

Today, I feel like I’m fighting the fight of my life with potty training. We have been at it for months now. I’m not going to lie; this feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done! I don’t know when it will finally stick for my son, but that’s a major portion I am choosing to fight for right now when it comes to him. On most days it means our lives are going to look quite different, with different activities being prioritised.

There are days when I feel sad, thinking about how my son’s life will be when I’m gone if he doesn’t have these basic life skills. But then I remember Matthew 6:34:

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

I also recall Philippians 4:6-7:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

So today, I fight for today. Whatever I can do today for my son, I choose to do. Only God knows what will become of tomorrow, but I choose not to waste today.

“Life rewards you for the portion you fight for” – Abba Paradza