How Getting Help Changed My Remote Working Life

A few months ago I moved out from my mum’s house with my son to live closer to his school. I, like many other parents I know, really don’t enjoy school run. And with the way the roads in Harare are at the moment, I am super grateful I don’t get to experience the traffic nightmares at different times of the day.

But venturing out on my own wasn’t the breeze I thought it would be. Leaving the comfort of my mum’s and her helper’s support really shook me in many different ways. Getting my son ready for school, taking him to school, picking him up from school, planning his meals, preparing his meals, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, managing him whilst I tried to do my work, all quickly started taking a toll on me. Frustrated, I went to vent to a friend who told me, more than once, that we were not meant to raise children alone. You can’t go around trying to do and be everything. In my head I was like, But I can! I just need more time. More hands. More legs. More strength. LOL! That would really translate to another person right? But no, I was not ready for that. So I soldiered on.

A few months down the line, I had tried to improve my situation by getting help in once a week to take care of cleaning and laundry. I would look forward to the cleaning lady’s coming so much that, the night before my mood would actually be different. Things got a bit better. But something made me super anxious as the months went by. The holidays were approaching. What was I going to do with my son? I already knew what it was like trying to work with him around for just part of my day, what was I going to do with him for the whole day?

I decided I was going to look for help but I didn’t quite know where to start. In the middle of me thinking about it, one of the mums in our Autism Support Group posted that she provided child minding services for children with autism. I quickly reached out to her, checked out her references and decided to give her a go. I was very reluctant to do so because this was a complete stranger and I had no idea what to expect.

The first day she came in, she took my son and they were in one room playing whilst I tried to work in another. Sonny didn’t like that. At any given opportunity, he would try to escape and come to the room I was working from. I understood – I mean, it was their first time together. Thankfully, the days that followed started getting easier. In fact, my son was now grabbing his new friend by the hand the moment she came, take her to what we had turned into their playing space and literally shut the door in my face.

My heart was at ease. It was as if I was I alone in the house. They would play all day without my son even crying for me to open the door for him. But, as the holidays were coming to an end, that anxiety set in again. I started thinking about going back to that after-school fiasco where I am fighting for focus time in the last part of my working day. I didn’t want to go back. I remembered what my friend had told me. Tariro, we are not meant to raise children alone. We are not meant to do this alone.

I had also had my colleague and friend at work advise me to consider looking for help because, besides improving my productivity, it would give me an opportunity to extend my self and do more on the career front. So, I pulled the plug. I looked for a more permanent helper to support me on a day to day basis as I navigate parenting my son. And I can tell you, looking for help is one of the best decisions I have made for myself this year. Remember the more hands, more legs I was longing for? Getting help buys you back some time which you can use however you want. For me, I am glad to have more time to allocate to reading book titles I have been sitting on for years, furthering my studies, participating in some church activities and even writing this blog!

Support doesn’t always have to look like a hired helper. Sometimes it’s asking a friend to help you watch your kids whilst you go to the salon or even just take a nap. Sometimes it’s asking your little sister, brother, niece or nephew to live with you and help you out whilst they wait for their O- or A-Level results or whilst they are on their college semester break. Sometimes it’s negotiating a parenting style with your spouse or co-parent that give you both some much needed balance because we all know, especially in our African society, the burden of parenting is usually heavy on the mother. It really does take a village and tapping into support helps us to extend ourselves and improve on our physical and emotional well being. Besides getting more time to do other things, I actually am able to show up better for my son when I am in the right mood. Prior, I was constantly tired and frustrated, struggling to match my son’s energy.

It’s so ironic that I have always needed so much convincing when it comes to getting support for my son because I spent years trying to convince business owners to let go and delegate parts of their business operations to me. I guess I’m very protective of that little human, it’s always hard for me to delegate his care to another. Let’s just say, I’m working on it and we are slowly figuring it out.